The 99,999 Post

The Celica hit a milestone today and broke 99,999 miles right when I was pulling into my apartment after work. Eight years and a hundred thousand miles after rolling off the factory floor- and counting!

The Evil Fish Post

Check out this bizarre video I came across while trying to stay up past my bedtime. It’s of a crazy Japanese deep water shark that has an extendable mouth akin to something from Aliens. Doesn’t seem to be able to do much damage to the guys arm…but he will die later from pure evil. Now granted my Japanese is a little rusty but I am pretty sure the guy is saying something to the effect of: “HOLY CRAP!? Goblin Sharks! The water is not safe. We are all going to die!!”

The Roachzilla Post

Last night while I was lazing about watching the news my apartment was invaded by Mega-Roach. The ballsy little bastard scampered right in front of my TV paused for a second in front of Coolio and darted with super roach speed over to the lamp. It scaled the thing and dropped onto the couch. By this point I was on the other side of the room running for the fly swat screaming “Kill it! Kill it!” at Coolio (who was more impressed with shiny stuff on the TV apparently to even notice the intruder). The flyswat did nothing but send the horrible thing across the room and give him a head start in what would be a 5 minute round of hide and seek. I eventually found him and sprayed him directly with bug killer until he was slovenly enough to flyswat in half. I disposed of the two halves in two separate locations (to avoid them from reproducing) and went back to watching the TV. The thing was huge. The apartment is new so I haven’t had anything besides a few wood ants since moving in, and after rampant roaches at the old apartment I have laid trap after trap and continually spray perimeters to avoid roaches from moving in. I am not worried about other roaches really after Roachzilla last night, primarily because I am confident that he ate every other roach within a 5 apartment perimeter (aka it was big and gross). But also because he happened to come in form the kitchen right when the trash guy was doing his rounds. I think he was in the large dumpster or bags those guys lug from door to door collecting our waste from the bins in the hallway. Least that’s what I’m telling myself so I can sleep at night.

The Nextel Cup Post

Odd things happen at the office from time to time, and today was a pretty good example. While working away at the computer Victor comes back to the department and places the Nextel Cup Trophy on the table. Turns out NASCAR had the sucker made for a photo opportunity at Universal Studios’ NASCAR restaurant. While not the real deal, this official custom replica version of the cup weighed a fair bit and cost the restaurant $2500 or so to get the thing made (or so I heard- the original is made by Tiffany and is worth over 9 bajillion dollars) which makes it much better than any trophy I’ll ever earn racing the Celica anywhere. The thing looks EXACTLY like the real deal. Taking advantage of the fact that it was back in the department we headed outside for some Rickey Bobby poses. Dave snapped these shots of me acting like an ass by the Celica. Remember if you ‘aint first, you’re last.

The Scene It Post

Last weekend Sarah from the office, came over with Neil and Jen for pizza and Scene It-night. I don’t often get to entertain at my apartment so it was nice to have the round. It was extra nice because I finally got to break out Scene It on the Xbox, which hasn’t had any attention in a long time. (It requires more than just me and a cat to play properly). After trouncing them in a few rounds of redundant trivia we watched some Christopher Walkin SNL and had a few rounds of Mario Kart. Fun night, I need to have people over more often. It was a great way to spend an evening during the crappy weather we've been having thanks to good old Fay.

The Sent Home Post

Fey is approaching, though from looking outside you wouldn’t be able to tell. The weather reports make the storm looks rather sizable at this point but are all very spotty on which direction it will head. Erring on the side of safety our office manager shut down the building today at 12:30 so I am home early which is nice. Sirens can be heard in the distance as I type this, and the sky is a miserable light grey. There aren’t any cones touching down or cows flying through the air though, and nothing is supposed to really hit Orlando till later on tonight. Hopefully I won’t loose power, but I have some backup water supplies and whatnot to keep me gong if for some reason I can’t reach the 7-11 across the street. Apparently there is very little lightning during these things, just loads of wind and rain, so I should be ok. I’ll keep you posted.

The Looming Fey Post

Orlando is in a bit of a hubbub right now over the impending arrival of tropical storm Fey. While it is expect to be category 1 hurricane by the time it reaches us late tomorrow night I am not to worried. Coworkers are worried about driving to work and the radio talk show guys are debating on if we should go get water stocks or not… it’s all a mess. It’s the first severe weather we have had all hurricane season and people are jumping on the panic-wagon. Apparently this is not uncommon behavior for Floridians based on past weather scares, so I don’t think I’ll be boarding up my windows or anything. Plus…it’s called Fey. Below is a picture of the worst possible scenario when something is named Fey. Lets hope I didn’t just put my foot in my mouth and will wake up in the middle of a rubble strewn parking lot…

The Clone Wars Post

Star Wars is a burnt turkey. As with a singed Thanksgiving dinner you can’t keep cooking the bird in an attempt to save the meal. George Lucas really bolloxed up Star Wars and seems to think that if he keeps throwing money at it then the problem will right itself. Star Wars steeped into bad territory during the prequel trilogy and unfortunately this film is a celebration of the franchises dark times. Not only that but it’s a poorly executed attempt to cash in on the property.

The whole film feels like the bathtub adventures a little boy playing with a set of action figures than it does an actual movie. I realize that this is a pilot episode to kick off a new cartoon show but the fact that absolutely nothing is really resolved (besides some lasers being fired) really hurts this ‘movie’. It weakens the Star Wars film library even further and fails to impress even the most die hard of a Star Wars fan (read: Jamie), all in the vein attempt that this will drive viewers to a cartoon show? I always knew Star Wars a commercial property…but this is just shameful.

Shameful is the word I will stick with when describing this film. The character models, while highly stylized are overly simple, practically expressionless and look more like the aforementioned bathtub toys than actual characters. It's sad that a production house like Lucasfilm would stoop to such cheap methods when dealing with their bread-and-butter franchise. Not only are the models weak, but the textures are visibly stretched and muddy, and I even spotted a few seams on some of the background elements. At one point a new character says to Anakin "You’ve got that look on your face again!” to which Anakin replied “There’s a look?”. I found this particularly amusing considering that the characters are incapable of much more opening their mouths and blinking. The sad truth of it, is that this 3D version of the Star Wars universe pales in comparison to the 2D animated cartoon that aired a few years back, and is nothing close to the films it attempts to leech from.

I also have an issue with the fact that when animated the characters have super hero abilitys that have them practically flying through the air and kicking some serious droid ass. However in the films they are all of a sudden stricken with mere mortal bodies and must resolve to keep both feet on the ground, less a little flip here of there. It really cheapens the characters to see them this way. Adding to that notion, apparently all clone troopers are freaking ninjas now and R2-D2's already ridiculous hover-jets can propel him through the clouds like a spaceship now (but he still likes to wheel about a 2-mph for some reason when it suits the story). Clone Wars also serves as another wasted attempt to utilize the General Grevious character, opting to have him stand motionless for one scene and never been heard of again.

I can’t stress enough how much I wished they never made this movie. And after sitting through it I have to confess that I have little hope anything will ever come of this franchise on the big screen again that’s worth seeing.

The Tropic Thunder Post

Tropic Thunder is funnier than you expect it to be. Not only is it the funniest movie I’ve seen in a long time, but it completely revives my faith that celebrities have a sense of humor. It’s so refreshing to see big-name actors commit to something that’s just plain funny without dipping too far into stupid. That’s not to say that there aren’t stupid moments in the film, but the ratio of hilarious to ridiculous is positive*.

TP is a riot from the first commercial right down to the credits, which for the record are too hilarious to even attempt to describe. I don’t want to ruin anything about the film because the laughs are largely dependent in the way they pop up. All I can’t help myself saying is; evil guerilla baby vs. bridge. I literally almost died in the theater from laughing. So many lines are crossed, but they are crossed in all the right ways. Odds are something in this movie will offend you (or the mentally challenged, minority drug addict sitting next to you) but I guarantee you will be laughing a lot more than you’ll be frowning. Take the film for what it is and you can’t be disappointed. This is the best comedy I’ve seen all year.

For all the hype that was placed on Downy Jr.’s portrayal of the ‘dude playing the dude that thinks he’s another dude’ I have to say I was under whelmed with what he did with the gimmick. Funny, yes. Show stealer, no. It’s fine though as the movie as a whole works perfectly in keeping the audience rolling. After seeing this movie and enjoying it as much as I did, I almost feel the need to go back and lower the other summer comedies at least one star, because they really do pale in comparison to this one. ‘Thunder pulls out all the stops, has many of the same actors seen previously this summer, and keeps the funny up unlike anything else on the market right now.

*mathematical.

The Pineapple Express Post

Pineapple Express isn’t for stoners. Sure they will get a kick out of it and it’s a heavily weed-centric in pretty much every way, but the end result is a movie about stoners, not a movie for them. I generally find pro-pot shenanigans to be aimed at a different audience to me and pretty unbearable for able minded viewing, but Express, like previous Seth Rogan entries has managed to win me over despite his apparent need to shove pot into everything he puts on the screen.

Like the recent Step Brothers, ‘Express is extremely uneven and suffers from oddly driven pacing issues. However unlike Ferrell’s latest attempt the movie succeeds in reaching the right levels of humorous, outrageous and entertaining. Taking notes from its predecessor SuperBad, Express’s characters are fleshed out enough to be endearing and charmingly buffoon-ed (that’s a word now), and their interactions with each other brims with the ‘why is this funny enough to make me laugh this much?’-lines. James Franco’s Sean Penn-inspired drug dealer, Saul meshes perfectly with Rogan’s gruff half-whit Dale for some believably hilarious back-and-forths that keep things real despite the outrageous circumstances the two get themselves into. Danny McBride’s Red is priceless. You never know want is going to poor out of his mouth, but revel in the fact that you know it will have you in stitches. Unfortunately all the character interactions and relationship build up is lost with a terrible final act that is appalling by most standards. People where walking out of the theater with only 15-minutes left to go. That tells me something.

All-in-all Pineapple Express is its own brand of stupid. It’s too across the board to fit into a traditional comedy category and as such will rub people expecting certain elements the wrong way. The final scene in which our ‘heroes’ reminisce about their antics will pretty much define your opinion of the film for you. If you don’t crack as smile as they recount their adventure then unfortunately the movie wasn’t for you. I was laughing, so I think I’m sold. Though I have to say this movie could have been absolutely brilliant, and seems to be content to settle with just ‘pretty-good’.

The Madden Launch Post

Last night was the launch party for EA’s latest Madden entry. EA have offices just north of town and had the Wall Street area blocked off for a street party. The development team for the game where all there, aswell as the Jaguar cheerleading squad to promote the games release next week. Couldn’t care any less about the game, but the event was fun. There where raffles and prizes galore for all kinds of gaming shwag, plus the thing was sponsored by everyone under the sun so there where loads of goodies being tossed around (all I netted was some beads unfortunately). There where some live bands on stage, one of which did a wicked set of Rage covers (sung by a girl oddly enough) that was pretty awesome. Good times, we had fun.

The Ghetto-mobile Post

When I went to go get gas on Friday at the 7-11 across the street, I pulled up at the pump and pressed the release button to open the gas hatch to the side of the Celica. Not only did it open but it fell right off. The hinges have given way and the sad little panel was left dangling form the gas cover by a small plastic tether. I ended up having to borrow some scissors from the clerk and cut it off, then duct-taping the panel back in place after filling up. I’m taking it to the garage tomorrow to find out exactly how much its going to set me back. I love my car, but it kills me to see it in such a state of disrepair. I care about my stuff and I like to keep things in good condition, but the Celica seems determined to hate me. This gets added to the list of other ailments the car has including: Squeaking ceiling panels, dysfunctional cigarette lighter/charger, peeling window tinting, bent and mangled under panels, chipped paint on hood, clear-coat peeling on spoiler, and my personal favorite: stolen side skirts. So really the duct tape fits the look rather nicely when I think about it.

The Step Bros. Post

Ever been sitting around with some friends and a random joke will spur off into a series of random jokes that get elaborated on until one guy says “Dude this would make an awesome movie!” ? Well this is that movie. And sorry dudes, but it’s not funny and you all suck.

Will Ferrell scrapes the very bottom of the barrel and clings to his list of ‘stuff that worked in the past from my old movies’ once again to cobble together this new addition to his man-baby film collection. Step Brothers was never going to hit any ‘best of’ lists in my eyes, but even with such low expectations going into the cinema I still managed to be let down by this one. The whole movie was clearly nothing more than a mildly humorous setup that strung together a set of jokes that they wanted to get on the screen. Like Anchorman before it however there are some good quotable in this stinker that will probably merit it a small following. But even the most die-hard Ferrell fans have to question this one.

The usual background comics to-be are here with bit parts that would fit in a stupid SNL sketch better than a movie. Seth Rogan was tricked by his colleagues into making a brief appearance which was a mistake on his part that I don’t think he’ll make again. The only cast member I didn’t hate was John C. Reilly, but I think that’s just because I’ve only ever seen him in one or two of these comedies and he hasn’t worn out on me yet.

The movie scores a few points for the mid-credit-scene which involved two full grown men pounding the tar out of some bratty elementary school kids. But that’s all. I was very disappointed to see Judd Apatow’s name tied to this one, as I was under the impression he was the one to save this type of comedy from itself. Apparently not.

The TikiBar Post

When back home this past weekend I realized that I hasn't been very diligent about reporting its progress over the years. While it was officially 'done' before I left for Orlando Dad has been making constant upgrades and additions to the area as well as maintaining the finishes and keeping everyhting running smoothly. It looks really great and I know he is very pleased with it. It's a great place to hangout and chill, which is exactly what we did all weekend. I shot some video with my camera while I was back and put together this little video to showcase the garden. It's pretty awesome and sports a tikibar / pirate beach theme. Check it out.

Ps. I don't know why there is such a large black border around the video, but it took somewhere between 4 and 5 bajillion years to upload to YouTube so it will have to do for now.

The Summer Movie Post

So as you may have noticed I have been seeing a lot of movies this summer. I’m a sucker for summer-movie-season and I love a good blockbuster while munching on popcorn. The fact that I can see a movie theater from my bedroom window, and am within a 5 minute drive to three cinemas and an Imax definitely ads to my movie fervor of late. Anyway I figured that while reviews have been such a large portion of my blogging recently that I should offer a summer movie review post. Below is a list of the ‘must-see’s of 08 according to this ignorant blogger. Please bare in mind that I had enough sense to skip the Love Guru’s and Meet Dave’s out there so I am rather biased. I assure you though those movies where horrendous and promise that even though I didn’t see them, if you think otherwise, you are wrong.

Dark Knight- 9/10
Best movie thus far. But you already know that because you saw it opening night and helped to the $155.3 million this guy has made so far. Nice Joker costume by the way! [review]

Wall.e- 9/10
This is the best family offering this summer and one of the most charmingly likable movies in Pixar’s portfolio. If you haven’t seen him yet, go catch Wall.e this weekend. [review]

Speed Racer- 9/10
This movie underperformed and was crapped-on by pretty much every critic out there. But honestly I absolutely loved this one. It’s a special flavor, but one I’d recommend at least sipping at. [review]

Hancock- 7/10
It’s not great, and it’s as flawed as its protagonist; but Hancock has merit enough to warrant a viewing. Fingers crossed for an unrated Blu-Ray release though! [review]

Indiana Jones 4- 7/10
Yeah ok the ending was pretty bad. But you can’t not love Indiana Jones. Unless of course you are a Nazi… That’s what I thought. [review]

Ironman- 6/10
It’s good. Just not as great as people want you to think it is. See it, but not at the expense of the others on the list. Batman really puts it in its place despite a stellar Downey Jr. [review]

The blockbusters are pretty much wrapping up now that Batman has made his entrance but there are still a few good movies coming out before the school buses start popping up on the streets again. It’s coming up on comedy season and there are a few that have caught my eye namely Pineapple Express, Hamlet 2 and Tropic Thunder, all of which look to be hilarious in there own right. Maybe I’ll give Step Brothers a shot, but Farrell has used up his schtick in my opinion and I don’t know how much more man-baby I can handle.