The Revolver Post

Lock Stock and Snatch are brilliant (if not overly similar) films. The Fifth Element is one of my favorites that I can watch over and over. So why is it that the two guys behind those movies (Guy Richie and Luc Besson) team up to make a film and the offspring is an inarticulate hunchback who somehow thinks he should be prom king?

Never have I seen a film that was so bad, but clearly thinks it’s brilliant. The film’s pathetic attempts to be cool and clever come across forced and fake and do little but irritate you. The constant romanticizing of mobsters, torture, assassins and gambling is so overdone that my head hurts from the propaganda. The attempts at Tarentino-eske ‘coolness’ are overshadowed in my anger however by the film’s need to constantly reference itself. Apparently unable to get over how clever his dialogue his, Richie has us listen to the same adages and chess-blabber over and over again to the point where it looses all meaning and relevance. You know how at the end of some movies when there is a clever plot twist or revelation there is often a flashback to the moment or quote that makes everything click and make sense? Well Revolver does that about 30 times*, robbing the quote of all meaning and burying it in a sea of redundant drivel while at the same time failing to offer any big revelations or clever twists.

After almost two hours of self-referencing flashbacks the movie’s primary plot point is finally paraded in front of the audience. This pearl of unabridged wisdom that the movie touts so proudly is that; our own egos are our own worst enemies. Wow. I am so enlightened. I had to sit through all that crap you just fed me to understand something that is taught to us in 3rd grade? Unfortunately this divine epiphany of a message is completely useless considering it came out of 1 hour and 44 minutes of hypocritical ego-stroking and quote regurgitation. I guarantee Richie takes the negative reception of his 3rd film with a grain of salt, and thinks his masterpiece to be above the average moviegoer’s head. Truth be told his complete lack of understanding of the subject matter he attempts to parade does little more than water down his pathetic crime-thriller and tortures anyone who musters up the balls to press play.The movie's presumptuous tagline is “Your mind can’t accept a game this big”. He even goes so far as to have doctors and philosopher s babble on about the ego during the ending credits. (Arrogant. Unnecessary. Redundant….pick one.)

On top of the crappy revelations and botched attempt at a clever ending, the movie fails to deliver on numerous other fronts including a myriad of plot holes and minor characters that seem not to matter as soon as the movie rounds third base. While the main ego-based-ending ties up the plot for a handful of characters, everyone else is completely forgotten about, including a very interesting character (Sorter) played by Mark Strong., who is the ONLY redeeming gem to be found in this floundering turd of a film.

I cannot stress enough how poorly cobbled together this film is. It’s a horrendous attempt at a deep and provocative thriller, that somehow does little more than fall flat on its face and make you look stupid for it.

*This is not an exaggeration by any means. I’d go back and count to prove the point but I don’t think I’d survive a second sitting. Please just take my word for it. PLEASE.

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