The GUTS! Family Post

One of the best shows growing up for me was Nickelodeon’s GUTS! (always spelt in caps and with an exclamation point). Three kids competing in a variety of Nerf oriented, bungee-cord events to earn points as deemed by Mike O’Malley and Moe. All their hard work always resulted in a quest up the Agrocrag- a giant constructed metal mountain obstacle course. The winner would receive the coveted GUTS! Piece of the Agrocrag to take home. I not-so-secretly always dreamed of hoisting that large chunk of green-yellow plastic over my head in victory. In fact one night I had a very vivid dream where I did just that. It was glorious. Never mind the fact that the majority of the dream was me figuring out the best way to display my trophy in my room*, the thought of competing was high on my list of to-do’s. On my first trip over to the state with my family we visited Nickelodeon Studios at Universal and I was extremely disappointed to see that they where filming some other Nick show besides GUTS! And that they already had cast competitors. I don’t know what I was hoping for really. (Yes I do, I wanted to walk in the door and Mike O’Malley to come up to me and strap a helmet to my head and hand me a Nerf-Ballzooka).

Anyway, Universal Studios is one again the site for GUTS! Competition as they will be bringing back the show to Nickelodeon and are holding walk-on auditions for competitors later this month. This time it’s branching out to include the whole family and will be called My Family’s Got GUTS! I am not so keen on the change because it means I cant try compete by myself, and with the family being in VA and Iraq right now, I don’t think it’s a feasible bet to put money on us. Thus the only logical step to take is for me to assemble a fake family for tryouts. Without further ado I present to you the Jamieson Family:

That’s Dolph Lundgren as Papa Jamieson. It’s great to be able to say ‘My dad could beat up your dad!’ to kids on the playground and then watch them run to the nearest phone to check if their father is still alive. Mommy Jamieson is Hellga (spell it right bitch!) of American Gladiator fame. She’s a good Mom and only beats us a little, and only when we deserve it. That’s Little Hercules as my little brother Timmy and our faithful family pet Underdog. I’m not in the picture because I was behind the camera (duh). Mark my words we will rein supreme. Do-do-do you have it? Yes. Yes we do.

*I have still to this day never won a trophy for anything--- Debbie Downer moment.