Last night while I was lazing about watching the news my apartment was invaded by Mega-Roach. The ballsy little bastard scampered right in front of my TV paused for a second in front of Coolio and darted with super roach speed over to the lamp. It scaled the thing and dropped onto the couch. By this point I was on the other side of the room running for the fly swat screaming “Kill it! Kill it!” at Coolio (who was more impressed with shiny stuff on the TV apparently to even notice the intruder). The flyswat did nothing but send the horrible thing across the room and give him a head start in what would be a 5 minute round of hide and seek. I eventually found him and sprayed him directly with bug killer until he was slovenly enough to flyswat in half. I disposed of the two halves in two separate locations (to avoid them from reproducing) and went back to watching the TV. The thing was huge. The apartment is new so I haven’t had anything besides a few wood ants since moving in, and after rampant roaches at the old apartment I have laid trap after trap and continually spray perimeters to avoid roaches from moving in. I am not worried about other roaches really after Roachzilla last night, primarily because I am confident that he ate every other roach within a 5 apartment perimeter (aka it was big and gross). But also because he happened to come in form the kitchen right when the trash guy was doing his rounds. I think he was in the large dumpster or bags those guys lug from door to door collecting our waste from the bins in the hallway. Least that’s what I’m telling myself so I can sleep at night.