The Clone Wars Post

Star Wars is a burnt turkey. As with a singed Thanksgiving dinner you can’t keep cooking the bird in an attempt to save the meal. George Lucas really bolloxed up Star Wars and seems to think that if he keeps throwing money at it then the problem will right itself. Star Wars steeped into bad territory during the prequel trilogy and unfortunately this film is a celebration of the franchises dark times. Not only that but it’s a poorly executed attempt to cash in on the property.

The whole film feels like the bathtub adventures a little boy playing with a set of action figures than it does an actual movie. I realize that this is a pilot episode to kick off a new cartoon show but the fact that absolutely nothing is really resolved (besides some lasers being fired) really hurts this ‘movie’. It weakens the Star Wars film library even further and fails to impress even the most die hard of a Star Wars fan (read: Jamie), all in the vein attempt that this will drive viewers to a cartoon show? I always knew Star Wars a commercial property…but this is just shameful.

Shameful is the word I will stick with when describing this film. The character models, while highly stylized are overly simple, practically expressionless and look more like the aforementioned bathtub toys than actual characters. It's sad that a production house like Lucasfilm would stoop to such cheap methods when dealing with their bread-and-butter franchise. Not only are the models weak, but the textures are visibly stretched and muddy, and I even spotted a few seams on some of the background elements. At one point a new character says to Anakin "You’ve got that look on your face again!” to which Anakin replied “There’s a look?”. I found this particularly amusing considering that the characters are incapable of much more opening their mouths and blinking. The sad truth of it, is that this 3D version of the Star Wars universe pales in comparison to the 2D animated cartoon that aired a few years back, and is nothing close to the films it attempts to leech from.

I also have an issue with the fact that when animated the characters have super hero abilitys that have them practically flying through the air and kicking some serious droid ass. However in the films they are all of a sudden stricken with mere mortal bodies and must resolve to keep both feet on the ground, less a little flip here of there. It really cheapens the characters to see them this way. Adding to that notion, apparently all clone troopers are freaking ninjas now and R2-D2's already ridiculous hover-jets can propel him through the clouds like a spaceship now (but he still likes to wheel about a 2-mph for some reason when it suits the story). Clone Wars also serves as another wasted attempt to utilize the General Grevious character, opting to have him stand motionless for one scene and never been heard of again.

I can’t stress enough how much I wished they never made this movie. And after sitting through it I have to confess that I have little hope anything will ever come of this franchise on the big screen again that’s worth seeing.